What are some funny and smart quotes?

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

What do you think of Hegseth calling The Atlantic journalist Jeffrey Goldberg, "a deceitful and highly discredited so-called journalist who has made a profession of peddling hoaxes” after team Trump texted him their top-secret war plans on Yemen?

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

Why cant school buses ditch kids who are late to the bus at the school? Like on the way home, if a kid is late when all the others arrived to the bus on time, why cant they leave the late kid behind since its not fair to the on time kids to wait?

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

Why do US military soldiers/officers have a chest full of medal ribbons when they probably haven't been in a combat situation? Are the medals for attendance, good behaviour, or long service perhaps?

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”